A Redneck Mom Sends A Letter With News From Home To Her Son



 Dear Son,


I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read that fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them to their new house so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.


It only rained twice this week, three days the first time, four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said It would be a little heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.


We got the bill from the funeral home. Said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.


About your sister, she had the baby this morning. I haven't heard wheather it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or an aunt.


Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days.


Your cousin Warren and two of his buddies went off the bridge in a pickup truck. Warren was driving, the other two were in the back. Warren got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down.


Not much news to tell, not much has been happening.


Love,

Mom


P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.

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